What is Gray Divorce and how does it differ from other divorces?

A gray divorce is one that occurs after the age of 50 or older. Whereas only 8% of all persons divorcing in 1990 were 50 or older, in 2024 the share was nearly 40% (Brown et al., 2024). More recently, the rate has gone down slightly for adults aged 50-64. This indicates that gray divorce could be largely a Baby Boomer phenomenon. While the overall gray divorce rate is more than double what it was three decades ago, the rate for couples over 65 is triple what it was.

A divorce late in life is different in many ways to a divorce that happens earlier on. After spending many years together, dividing financial, property, business, and retirement assets can be complex and there is less time to make up for losses. Estate planning and health insurance are other common issues. Custody of children isn’t usually an issue but adult children still need plenty of support as their sense of loss may be devastating.

Why do couples divorce after 30 or more years of marriage?

Researchers refer to a ‘gray divorce revolution’ and it isn’t only happening in the United States. Gray divorce rates in the U.K, Australia, and Europe are also higher. Many complex and varied factors are contributing to the rise in divorce after 50. Some of them include higher life expectancy and more financial independence for women. Social attitudes are also changing and couples no longer feel that they have to stay together if they have different ideas on how they want to spend retirement.

A longer life

People are living for longer. Most countries are experiencing a growth in the proportion of older people in the population. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) every country in the world is experiencing growth in both the size and the proportion of older persons in the population. It predicts that by 2030, 1 in every 6 people in the world will be 60 or older. By 2050, the world’s population of people aged 60 years and older will double. This is happening for a number of reasons, including improvements in medicines and nutrition.

An empty nest

Experiencing an empty nest when adult children leave home is often one of the largest contributing factors to gray divorce. As couples today have the chance of living well into their 80s, they still have a good number of years left together. Those in a happy marriage can enjoy their latter years together However, many couples find that they have drifted apart.

Raising children has often been the glue that keeps couples together for many years. When the kids leave home, it can feel like two strangers living together. The cracks in the marriage are more visible once the buffer of children is no longer there. Some marriage partners may have been unhappy for years and are just waiting for the children to leave home to gain their own freedom.

Financial issues

Financial issues can become increasingly divisive as couples approach retirement. Women have become more financially independent since they joined the workforce. A woman who has worked very hard in her career and earned well may initiate divorce if she no longer feels fulfilled in her relationship. A couples financial goals may be out of sync if one earns more than the other.

Infidelity

Many couples over the age of 50 have problems in their sex life. Aging often brings with it reductions in hormone levels and use of medications which can decrease sexual desire. When one partner is much more interested in sex than another, infidelity can become an issue. Men are more likely to have affairs as they get older and infidelity peaks in their 70’s.

Social media adds another layer of complexity to a relationship, whether one partner or both are online. If a long-term marriage is unhappy, there can be temptation to go on social media platforms to see who else is out there. Inappropriate interactions on social media can cause jealousy and mistrust. They may even lead to infidelity and put an end to a marriage. The unfaithfulness of a partner breaks the trust built up over years and it is very difficult to restore it.

Health challenges

Chronic illness as couples age can cause serious problems in a relationship. Studies show higher risks of divorce when a wife develops a chronic illness. However, some wives may not want to take care of a husband who is chronically ill after taking care of kids for so many years.

Societal changes

With the modernization of religious and traditional institutions has come the breakdown of longstanding norms regarding marriage and family. Today there is far less stigma around the idea of divorce than in the past. It isn’t a moral failure or social taboo anymore. This means that couples don’t feel they have to stay in an unhappy relationship.