Gray divorce? You don’t have to go through it alone Posted on October 4May 31 You may not be aware of it but if you are in the throes of a late-life divorce, you are part of what is being called the “gray divorce phenomenon”. Boomers born between 1946 and 1964 are divorcing more than any other generation. Gray divorce figures are rising Statistics show that gray divorce figures are rising at a time when other divorce figures are dropping. However, statistics can only give us a general picture. The truth is often more nuanced than the statistics suggest. It is interesting to observe trends but every marriage is unique and the reasons for divorce may be different in each case. We also need to remember that people often marry again after divorce and subsequent marriages appear to have a lower success rate. The statistics are influenced by the fact that the divorce rate for people over 50 who have been married more than once is higher than for those who have only been married once. Reasons for gray divorce Some research suggests that late-life divorce is not related to retirement, children leaving home, chronic illness or education alone. In 2016 researchers from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research (NCFMR) studied more than 5000 couples where one spouse was born before 1960. They found that wealth, home ownership and the quality of a marriage meant less likelihood of a gray divorce. Celebrities going through gray divorce No matter what the reason for your gray divorce, perhaps you can take comfort from the fact that you are surrounded by many others experiencing it too. The increase in late-life divorce hasn’t escaped celebrities and they are also divorcing with increasing frequency after decades of marriage. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver married in 1986 and divorced in 2011. Mel and Robyn Gibson married in 1980 and divorced in 2011. Al and Tipper Gore married in 1970 and separated in 2010, after forty years of being together. Meryl Streep her husband Don Gummer are divorced after a 45-year marriage. Helpful books about gray divorce One fortunate aspect of the media spotlight on the phenomenon has been the increase of resources aimed at those going through a late-life divorce. One of the books I found helpful, even this it is not specifically directed as women over 50 is Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie. If you feel you have lost sight of your own identity after years of caring for others, this is a good book to read. Gray Divorce Stories: The Truth About Getting Divorced Over 50 From Men and Women Who’ve Done It by Barry Gold is also worth reading. It contains stories of those who have been through a late-life divorce in their own words. They describe their good times and bad times, regrets and desires, successes and failures. Reading this book will really help you understand that you are not alone in what you are going through and you can learn from the journeys of others. Last word A shift seems to be occurring as more women in their fifties and sixties initiate divorce. This trend seems to indicate that women in this age range are more financially independent than in the past. However, whether the divorce is initiated by the woman or the man, and despite the reason, it can be hard to make the adjustment to life as a single person after so many years of marriage.
Empty Nest Don’t judge empty nesters who feel sad! Posted on August 10 The word ‘whine’ immediately evokes images of a child complaining in an annoying way. Nobody wants to listen to people who whine and complain about their circumstances, no matter how dire. However, I recently came across a blog with the title ‘Stop whining about your empty nest’ in the Huffington… Read More
Your relationships Why forgiveness matters after a divorce Posted on July 25July 28 A divorce is one of those life events that’s a perfect breeding ground for feelings of hurt, guilt, resentment and anger. The natural response to being hurt is to want to hurt back. You want that person who has hurt you to feel the full weight of what you are… Read More
Your relationships How to move forward after divorce Posted on June 29July 21 When you lose a loved one, you expect to experience grief and those around you expect it too and offer comfort. However, many people do not realize that you also go through grief after a divorce. Even if you are the one who wanted the divorce, this does not mean… Read More
I am a divorce mom from Quebec and i left my country for Africa since 2014 ,my son was 18 ans my daughter 21! Their daddy abused me and they know what happenned ! I missed to be their mom! What i gave to do know? Help me of you can!! Goodnight SYLVIE 56 years old Reply