Gray divorce? You don’t have to go through it alone

You may not be aware of it but if you are in the throes of a late-life divorce, you are part of what is being called the “gray divorce phenomenon”. Boomers born between 1946 and 1964 are divorcing more than any other generation.

Gray divorce figures are rising

Statistics show that gray divorce figures are rising at a time when other divorce figures are dropping.  However, statistics can only give us a general picture.  The truth is often more nuanced than the statistics suggest. It is interesting to observe trends but every marriage is unique and the reasons for divorce may be different in each case.

We also need to remember that people often marry again after divorce and subsequent marriages appear to have a lower success rate.  The statistics are influenced by the fact that the divorce rate for people over 50 who have been married more than once is higher than for those who have only been married once.

Reasons for gray divorce

Some research suggests that late-life divorce is not related to retirement, children leaving home, chronic illness or education alone. In 2016 researchers from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research (NCFMR) studied  more than 5000 couples where one spouse was born before 1960. They  found that wealth, home ownership and the quality of a marriage meant less likelihood of a gray divorce.

Celebrities going through gray divorce

No matter what the reason for your gray divorce, perhaps you can take comfort from the fact that you are surrounded by many others experiencing it too. The increase in late-life divorce hasn’t escaped celebrities and they are also divorcing with increasing frequency after decades of marriage.  Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver married in 1986 and divorced in 2011. Mel and Robyn Gibson married in 1980 and divorced in 2011. Al and Tipper Gore married in 1970 and separated in 2010, after forty years of being together. Meryl Streep her husband Don Gummer  are divorced after a 45-year marriage.

Helpful books about gray divorce

One fortunate aspect of the media spotlight on the phenomenon has been the increase of resources aimed at those going through a late-life divorce. One of the books I found helpful, even this it is not specifically directed as women over 50 is Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie. If you feel you have lost sight of your own identity after years of caring for others, this is a good book to read.

Gray Divorce Stories: The Truth About Getting Divorced Over 50 From Men and Women Who’ve Done It by Barry Gold is also worth reading. It contains stories of those who have been through a late-life divorce in their own words. They describe their good times and bad times, regrets and desires, successes and failures. Reading this book will really help you understand that you are not alone in what you are going through and you can learn from the journeys of others.

Last word

A shift seems to be occurring as more women in their fifties and sixties initiate divorce. This trend seems to indicate that women in this age range are more financially independent than in the past. However, whether the divorce is initiated by the woman or the man, and despite the reason, it can be hard to make the adjustment to life as a single person after so many years of marriage.