Is there an answer to loneliness?

Loneliness is becoming a public health crisis at the same time that digital communication is increasing. Various studies show that it has a negative effect on physical and mental health. When you feel lonely it often results in feelings that others don’t understand you. Does feeling lonely influence how you see the world?

Isolation is different from loneliness

It is difficult to study loneliness. It is subjective and so studies often have to rely on self-reported feelings. On the other hand, it is possible to study social isolation objectively. This isn’t the same as feeling lonely. A team of German researchers wanted to find out whether long stays in the Antarctic led to brain changes. They conducted a study on eight individuals who spent 14 months in isolation at a polar station. Brain scans taken before and after their mission showed shrinking of the pre-frontal cortex. It only returned to normal after about a month and half back home.

Lonely people process the world differently

A 2023 study published in Psychological Science found that lonely people process the world in a different way.  Elisa Baek, an assistant professor of psychology at USC Dornsife, did a study on loneliness while she was a postdoctoral fellow at UCLA.  She and her team wanted to know what contributes to lonely people feeling disconnected and misunderstood. The researchers selected 66 first year students between 18 and 21 to participate in the study. The brains of these students were examined using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI)  

Researchers used the results from completing the UCLA Loneliness Scale to divide participants into two groups. This 20-item scale measures subjective feelings of loneliness and social isolation. Researchers scanned the brains of students in the ‘lonely’ and ‘non-lonely’ groups while watching 14 video clips. The video clips covered various engaging topics, including sporting events, music videos, and party scenes.  

The researchers analyzed over 200 areas of the brain and how they responded to the video clips. When comparing the results, researchers found that the non-lonely group’s brain responses were similar whereas those of the lonely group were idiosyncratic. Researchers also found brain processes were dissimilar within the lonely group.

The study paper refers to the ‘Anna Karenina principle’. The opening line of the classic novel by Leo Tolstoy reads “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  When brain activities are similar, there’s a shared understanding of the world. Those who share this understanding find it easier to make social connections. Lonely people not only see the world differently but they see it differently from other lonely people. The lack of commonality with other lonely people makes it even harder to connect. This finding could help researchers to understand more about how loneliness can impact mental health. 

It’s not about having or not having friends

What was particularly interesting about this study is that researchers found that students with high levels of loneliness showed more idiosyncratic brain responses than others. This was the case even if they had friends and were socially active. It raises the possibility that seeing the world differently from others could be a risk factor for loneliness. Loneliness seems to relate more to the quality than the quantity of relationships. Lonely people will tell you that they can still feel lonely when they’re in a relationship or they have friends.

A meta-analysis found that providing lonely people with easier access to potential friends didn’t make them feel less lonely.   Most individuals want to connect with others but circuits in the brain and behavior changes seem to trap them in a catch 22 situation.  There’s a natural human desire to want to connect but they tend to see other people as judgmental or unfriendly and keep their distance.

Lonely people pick up negative social signals quickly

Recent advances in neuroscience and psychology are helping us to understand more about loneliness and its effect on the brain. Loneliness is different from being alone.  Some people feel alone in a crowd and others are content when they’re in their own.

In some behavioral studies lonely people picked up on negative social signals, such as images of rejection, within 120 milliseconds. They did so twice as quickly as people who weren’t lonely. Focusing on negative social cues, such as being ignored, could make the problem worse.

Consequences of loneliness

A 2022 study found that elderly people often have atrophy in parts of the brain that process emotions and memory. The researchers suggest these changes could help to explain connections between dementia and loneliness. Loneliness appears to raise the risks of dementia. Loneliness also seems to increase the risks of many diseases such as heart disease and strokes. This means lonely people tend to have a higher mortality risk than less lonely people.

Why are you lonely?

There are different schools of thought about why you may feel lonely. Some argue that loneliness has an evolutionary basis. It’s a way for nature to ensure that you keep making new connections, mate, and produce children. Others believe that loneliness may be ingrained in your DNA. There is also the effect of social media which can potentially contribute to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can also be linked to mental health conditions such as depressive disorders or anxiety disorders.

What’s the answer to loneliness?

Attempting to encourage people to go out more, join clubs etc. may seem like a good idea but dealing with loneliness is not that simple. Trying to deal with it by telling lonely people they need to socialize more generally isn’t effective. It doesn’t address the root cause of loneliness.

• Feeling lonely may be the way your brain is trying to tell you that you need to give yourself some care. It can help to spend time doing activities and hobbies you enjoy. When you have a hobby like embroidery it is also easier to join clubs and do these activities with others. You can start a hobby like embroidery for the first time with a beginner’s embroidery kit.
  
• It can be intimidating to reach out to others because you fear rejection. It is easier to reach out to people with whom you share a passion or a similar interest. The book Find your People by Jennie Allen gives practical solutions for finding true community in a lonely world.
  
• You may have cultivated habits that are aggravating your loneliness. This may include a tendency to shut others out when you feel stress. Introspecting on some of your habits and behaviors can be useful. Donna Ashworth’s book Growing Brave: Words to Soothe Fear and Let in Life is a collection of poetry that can help you to find courage in your vulnerability.
  
• Your physical health and some mental health conditions can contribute to feelings of loneliness. It is worth seeking medical help if you believe this could be the case.
  
• Technology can be both a good and a bad way to combat loneliness. Just being connected to the internet isn’t going to solve the problem of loneliness. Using technology for passive entertainment can increase loneliness because the interaction is one-directional. Engagement is essential when using technology to combat loneliness. For example, video calls allow you to talk to family and friends when you feel lonely.

A final word

Loneliness can have complex neurobiological and psychological underpinnings. This is why research into the effects of loneliness on the brain is so important. This research can help to provide some answers on how to intervene when individuals experience chronic loneliness. There isn’t a single action you can take to cure feelings of loneliness. Dealing with these feelings is more about developing practices and habits that give you a healthier understanding of yourself, others, and the world around you.